Parents should best handle their child's grief by being open and direct with their children, regardless of their age. Explaining death to children may be hard, but it is something that should not be put off - don't let yourself thing that you will "wait for the right time to explain" - the right time is as soon as possible. It is best that a parent, who a child intrinsically trusts, explain the truth.
Avoid using euphemisms such as "He's sleeping and won't wake up" or "She's in Heaven with the angels." Use concrete language and the proper words, such as "cancer", "died", and "death". Substitute words or phrases like "passed away" or "he is sleeping" can confuse children and lead to misunderstandings.
Let children come to their own conclusions, especially when it comes to spiritual beliefs - you do not want to say anything that might confuse or make the child doubt. However, if the child brings up his or her spiritual beliefs, encourage the child to talk so that you may correct the misconceptions or encourage family beliefs that may help the child deal with the situation both immediately and in the future.
Make sure that the child understands the basic biological reasons for death, stressing that in no way did the child have any part in causing what happened. Continue to be open and straightforward throughout the grieving process, and be ready and willing to repeat the same answers over and over again, as the child will most likely find security in knowing something constant. Answers to questions should be honest and direct, with as much detail as the child can understand.
The older the child is, the larger the range of emotions experienced will be, and the more complex the methods of dealing with the grief will be. Especially for older children and teenagers, it might seem easier to internalize the pain and put energy and emotion into other aspects of their lives. These children should be encouraged carefully to help externalize their grief, but the word carefully should be stressed; if bothered too much they may feel harassed and disinclined to listen to the advice that parents and other adults in their life have to give.
An important skill that can aid grieving is journaling, especially for older children and teens. Free writing, or encouraging a child to pick up a pen and write about anything and everything that is on their mind, is a good tool to help the children verbalize their feelings and even dig deeper to feelings and thoughts they don't realize they are experiencing. For younger children, encouraging them to draw their feelings is a good alternative. Explain to them carefully that their picture doesn't have to look like anything, but can just be splotches of color-it's up to them. Have them explain their decisions after they are done, and ask them questions to get them talking and eventually help them to come to realizations about the emotions they are feeling. Encourage the children to journal on a regular basis - after a few times of doing it, they may even begin to do it on their own as a therapeutic tool. If a child has another creative outlet, such as playing a musical instrument that they can use as an outlet for their feelings, encourage this also.
Children should also be included in the planning and participation of memorial ceremonies. These events help both adults and children remember loved ones. However, children should not be forced to be involved, but they should be encouraged to take part in the portions in which they feel most comfortable. If the child wants to attend the funeral, wake, or memorial service, he or she should be given a full explanation of what to expect. The surviving parent may be too involved with his or her own grief to give their child the full attention they need, so it may be helpful to have a familiar adult or family member around to help care for the grieving child.
